Oprah Winfrey was transferred—actually demoted—from being a news reader to a daytime talk show host and this is what she said about hosting the show, “I felt lit up from inside, like I had come home to myself. When the hour had ended, there was a sense of knowing resonating within my heart and radiating to the hairs on the back of my neck. My entire body told me this was what I was supposed to do.” 1
Neuroscience
Have you felt such a sensation after a highly engaging activity? You may know these feelings if you have ever said, ’It just feels right.’, ‘I have a gut feeling…’, ‘Something feels off.’
Neuroscientist Antonio Damasio calls this ability to decide if something feels right or wrong based on our bodily sensations ‘somatic markers’. These markers are influenced by our past experiences and their associated feelings. They can guide us in making some of the most important decisions in life, like whether this is the right person to marry or if we should quit our job.
Take, for example, a female business consultant who was torn between continuing her job and becoming a full-time homemaker. She participated in Goleman’s emotional intelligence course exercise about her ‘best self,’ where participants are asked to tune into the feelings in their body. After the course, she shared her true feelings about the situation with her boss, who, to her surprise, was understanding and supportive. Together, they found a way for her to continue the job she loved while also managing her family’s needs and her own health. 2
Gut feeling
Our brain stores all our life experiences in deep circuits. These circuits connect to the Insula, a part of the midbrain that monitors feelings throughout our body. Although these circuits can’t communicate verbally with us, they are strongly connected to our digestive system. This connection is why we often refer to intuition as a “gut feeling.” 3
Daniel Goleman and Cary Cherniss, in their best-seller ‘Optimal: How to Sustain Excellence Every Day,’ describe these somatic markers as “…the internal compass that points us to our sense of meaning and purpose in life.” The better we understand our intuitive feelings, the more we can use our life experiences to make decisions.
Personally, I face a challenge in this area. My preferred way of perceiving the world heavily leans towards the sensation mode on Carl Jung’s ‘intuition-sensation’ continuum. 4 I use all my regular five senses to make sense of the world. I realise I need to tune more into my intuitive feelings as well.
Self-awareness
This ability to tune into our emotions is the foundational skill in emotional intelligence. Such self-awareness helps us understand how our emotions shape our thinking and drive our actions. A simple definition of self-awareness is 5
“You know what you are feeling and why—and how it helps or hurts what you are trying to do.”
To gauge your own level of self-awareness, take this short questionnaire and score yourself from 1 (low) to 5 (high):
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I know my emotional and stress triggers.
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I can describe my ideal work environment.
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I know what activities give me the most joy.
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I know how I tend to behave in regular situations.
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I understand what I find most personally rewarding.
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My goals for my career and personal life are clear to me.
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I can generally predict how I will behave in most situations.
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I am aware of the impact my actions have on those around me.
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I have clearly defined values that outline what is important to me.
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I can give an objective assessment of how I’m performing at work.
Self-awareness practices
If you’d like to increase your score, you might want to consider any of the following self-awareness raising practices. 6
Focused Breathing: Focused breathing is a great exercise to strengthen your focus. Kids are already practicing it at school with the 4-4-4 breathing exercise. Take a deep breath for 4 seconds, letting your belly expand, hold it for 4 seconds, and then release it for another 4 seconds. Repeat this process. If your mind starts to wander, just bring your attention back to your breath. Every time you refocus, you’re exercising your attention. This is self-awareness in action.
Inner Check-in: Use your daily routine moments to check in with yourself. While brushing your teeth, enjoying your favorite drink, or commuting to work, take a moment to assess how you’re feeling. Scan your body for sensations and identify areas that need attention or relaxation. I often do this while making my morning lemon juice, riding my motorcycle to work, or during bedtime reading.
Inner Talk: In his famous 2005 Stanford Commencement Address, Steve Jobs said, “Don’t let the voice of others’ opinions drown out your inner voice.” It’s extremely important to pay attention to our self-talk. Be kind to yourself and avoid harsh self-judgments. Speak to yourself as you would to someone you’re trying to encourage. For inspiration, watch David Goggins’s videos—he’s a master of positive self-talk. 7
Pattern Recognition: Take a moment to reflect on recurring themes in your daily life. Are there specific situations that consistently trigger stress or joy? By identifying these patterns, you can better manage your responses and make more informed decisions. It’s like finding a beat in a song – once you know the rhythm, it’s easier to dance to it.
Curiosity, Not Judgment: Instead of quickly judging your own thoughts and actions, approach them with a sense of wonder and a desire to understand. Ask yourself questions like, “Why did I do that?” or “What was I thinking?” Explore different perspectives, and delve into the reasons behind your behaviors. This shift in mindset fosters self-empathy and opens the door to deeper self-connection
Summary
The benefits of self-awareness extend well beyond merely understanding our emotions and their causes. It enhances our ability to concentrate and steer clear of distractions. Moreover, self-awareness allows us to tune into the subtle sensations in our body, helping us recognise whether our actions align with our optimal state of being. By cultivating self-awareness, we gain valuable insights that improve our focus, well-being, and overall life satisfaction.
References
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Oprah Winfrey, The Path Made Clear (New York: Celadon Books, 2020)
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Daniel Goleman, Cary Cherniss, Optimal: How to Sustain Excellence Every Day (UK: Penguin Random House, 2024), 47.
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Ibid., 46.
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the SAP, article on Jungian Psychology, https://www.thesap.org.uk/articles-on-jungian-psychology-2/about-analysis-and-therapy/typology/
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KeyStep Media, Emotional Self-Awareness: A Primer (Florence, MA: MoreThanSound, 2017), 34.
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Ibid., 42.
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Big Think, David Goggins & more, Navy SEALs: Master Self-Talk & Mental Toughness (YouTube)
