We were in an online meeting with our training partner, who was 20 minutes late because he was stuck on another call with an important client. When he finally joined, he apologised sincerely. I asked if he wanted to take a 5-minute break and grab some water before we started, but he said he was fine, so we continued. Just two minutes later, my reporting manager suggested something similar. The partner sighed with relief, as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. I wondered why my words hadn’t had the same effect. The answer came to me through a podcast.
Emotion researchers generally describe empathy as the capacity to perceive others’ emotions and to be able to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling. However, Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman add depth to this concept by breaking it down into three distinct components.
Could you guess what type of empathy I was extending to the training partner?
How to practise ’empathic concern’ as a leader?
I believe this HBR article (What We Get Wrong About Empathic Leadership) by Olga Valadon, a corporate empathy expert, is a nice place to start. Here are the four practices she suggests in her article to help you develop your empathic leadership skills:
🟢 Actively listen and be curious
Genuinely ask questions and explore their responses, paying attention to emotions behind their words as well as the facts.
🔴 Know that you don’t have all the answers
Leaders often want to solve problems right away, but for personal and emotional issues, just listening and letting employees share their feelings works better.
🟡 Avoid an autopilot response
Empathy requires understanding each team member’s unique needs and giving them the support based on their individual circumstances.
🔵 Always, always make the time
Effective leadership involves balancing team responsibilities with personal duties, managing time constraints with honesty and care, and following through on commitments to build trust.
Ernst & Young survey ‘Empathy in Business’
A recent survey of over 1,000 U.S. employees revealed that 52% believe their company’s efforts to show empathy are insincere. In fact, a lack of belonging or connection with coworkers is increasingly cited as a reason employees quit their jobs.
The study also showed that when leaders and employees share mutual empathy, it boosts “efficiency (88%), creativity (87%), job satisfaction (87%), idea sharing (86%), innovation (85%), and even company revenue (83%).”
Leadership and love making
A beautiful analogy of empathic leadership would be love making. When lovers respond to each other in sync, they exhibit an implicit sense of deep rapport.
“Love making is, at its best, an act of mutual empathy; at its worst it lacks any such emotional mutuality.”
Empathy is all about staying open and calm, so we can pick up on the subtle emotions of others and relate to them through our own feelings. It starts with knowing ourselves; the more we’re in tune with our own emotions, the better we get at understanding how others feel. Not picking up on what someone else is feeling is a major deficiency in EQ and a tragic failing in what it means to be a human.
References
- Podcast: “Getting Better at Empathy” with Daniel Goleman; Coaching for Leaders with Dave Stachowiak
- New EY US Consulting study: Link
- HBR article: What We Get Wrong About Empathic Leadership
- Lovemaking: Daniel Stern, The Interpersonal World of the Infant (New York: Basic Books, 1987), p. 30